Life as we know it changed on the 15th May 2013 but the real story of how you came to be started a long time before that.
It all started on this date seven years ago to be precise.
No, I wasn’t pregnant for that long; (but to be fair that would explain the whale-like size) it was on this date that I first kissed your Dad.
We used to celebrate this as our anniversary but since the whole pesky wedding I’ve been cheated out of a present.
I’ll not gross you with the details. All you need to know is: we worked together, we were friends for two years then alcohol got involved and we became more than friends.
Does that sound dirtier than it was meant to? It’s not meant to be, but ask your therapist just in case *insert Parent of the Year Award here*
Moving swiftly on…
A lot has happened in those seven years.
We got engaged pretty quickly, lived in three different houses, got three cats (the exact number of felines you need to have for people to start thinking you’re mental), got married and had you.
It seemed like as good a time as ever to write a post to highlight some of the lovely qualities that make your Dad nice to have about:
The most important thing for you to know is your Dad loves you.
This love is unconditional and always will be.
As long as you play golf when you’re old enough to stand.
This is summed up by one sentence he uttered when you were two-days-old: “Sexuality preferences are irrelevant son, golf is non-negotiable.”
This might sound like ‘conditional’ terms but he assures me he’ll keep you around even if you don’t play.
I’m 85% sure he’s joking about this, at a push 78%.
He will always be there to catch you when you fall.
Your Dad likes to throw you about. Not in a rag-doll-type way, just enough to make me panic, but he will never drop you.
Now, just because one night in an attempt to be romantic he lifted me up and dropped me on my head doesn’t mean that this promise is any less valid.
He is an excellent nurse.
When you are sick he will be there to look after you until you’re all better.
I’ve known this for quite sometime because I have the immune system of a leper with a cold at the best of times.
I mean, just because when I had Bell’s Palsy in college and he decided to look it up on the internet to ‘reassure’ me and he accidentally looked up Cerebral Palsy instead effectively scaring the holy bejesus out of me doesn’t mean he won’t be just super at looking after you when you have the flu.
He’s very generous.
Your Dad will give you anything you want, within reason.
Throughout our friendship I would continually steal all his food at work until he had to start hiding his snacks and buy duplicate ones for me to find, kind of like a squirrel.
He also likes to float you over my head and let you sneeze in my mouth as I sleep so I can share those special germs with you. That’s super fun.
He is very, very funny.
He will make you laugh everyday if you let him – or else he won’t let you go to sleep.
Our friends especially love when they wake up to find the majority of their furniture has been turned upside down in the middle of the night.
Please don’t do this when you’re older, or take advice from him on how to be a good house guest.
To be fair, the furniture thing is annoying but you’ve got to admire the commitment.
These are just a few examples of why you shouldn’t be hard on your old man when you’re a moody teenager.
However if you’re planning on making your mother’s life miserable, think again – I’m a redhead and you don’t ever annoy a redhead.
Your Dad found that out very early on.